I was recently talking with a friend who asked me if I ever felt he was being too dominant in a conversation. It’s a good question to ask yourself (and demonstrates good self-awareness), especially if you’re someone who is outspoken or often takes the lead in a conversation. If you don't allow other people to speak, they may feel negatively towards you.
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In his case, I didn’t feel he was being too dominant. But he was repeating himself unnecessarily. He was making the same point multiple times using different language. I explained this and that I understood his point the first time and he didn’t need to over-explain his idea to me. When you repeat yourself you sound insecure and this weakens the message.
I used to do this quite a lot in my YouTube videos. I would explain a feature and how it’s beneficial and then I’d re-explain my point again. And I only noticed this during the editing process when I was watching myself back. This highlights the power of watching yourself speak.
Everyone should be trying to improve their communication skills (I shared 5 useful tips in episode 272). You can be the most intelligent person in a room but if you can’t communicate your ideas clearly, you are doing yourself a disservice.
Everyone should be trying to improve their communication skills. You can be the most intelligent person in a room but if you can’t communicate your ideas clearly, you are doing yourself a disservice.Click To TweetFortunately for me, I get to practice communication as part of my work: writing for this blog, speaking on my podcast, making YouTube videos, taking sales calls, and consulting to clients; this all requires me to practice my ability to communicate.
If you don’t get to practice communicating as often as I do, then you should consider making time to practice. This could be as simple as writing in a journal (I use Apple Notes) to practice getting an idea out of your head and into written form.
You could even use your phone to record a video of yourself talking about an idea or simply a topic that interests you (the content doesn’t matter). When you re-watch the video, you’ll see yourself how other people see you; this is the best way to practice communicating. Maybe you hold your hands nervously. Maybe you use a lot of filler words. Maybe you repeat yourself (like I used to). And I appreciate this is going to be an uncomfortable exercise for many people. Seeing yourself how other people see you is the best way to improve your communication skills.
If you’re feeling really brave, try publishing the video on YouTube. I used to get the comment that I was talking too quickly. After initially feeling a bit hurt by these comments, I watched myself back and couldn’t help but agree. Now I’m very aware of the speed at which I talk, not just in videos, but in conversations as well.
You can also experiment with the tone of your voice and use this to emphasise key points. We’ve all been in conversations with someone who speaks in a very monotone way; it’s boring and most of the time we just want the conversation to end as quickly as possible (you don’t want to be this person).
By practicing how you use your voice to communicate, you’ll make people more interested in what you have to say and ultimately they’ll be more likely to listen and respond the way you want.